Karyn (nyrak20) wrote in takemetoheaven,
Karyn
nyrak20
takemetoheaven

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My first post 513 fic

This is my first post 513 fic. I am very distraught after watching 513 and I needed a happy ending.

Title: Survive

Author: Nyrak20

Summary: Post 513

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of QAF. Sadly.

Warning: It is kind of long. Sorry L

 

Brian’s POV

 

It had been 1 yr, 2 months, 1 week and 4 days.

I had made one trip to NY to see him.

I stayed 2 days. One weekend.

He had yet to be back to the Pitts.

I didn’t blame him.

But with his absence and many excuses about why he couldn’t come, it had drawn a conclusion for myself.

He would never be coming back here.

They were late night phone calls, cards sent. Works of art bought and hung up.

But no matter how many romantic sentiments and promises made, I had to face the inevitable.

He was never coming back.


I could move to NYC. I could expand. But never the less, I never did. And I doubt I ever will. It’s never been my style to chase anyone. It was never my plan to follow Justin. Just for him to follow himself.

I kept updated on his work and growing recognition in the art magazines I had ordered every month to Kinnetic. I would read about his art openings. His rave reviews about how he was the next Andy Warhol. His interviews when he was asked what his inspiration was and he would always reply the same thing.

“What inspires me the most is where I came from. And all I left behind”.

The last issue of NYC Art magazine I received came on a Tuesday. On the front was a blonde haired, blue-eyed boy wonder, dressed in a long sleeved gray shirt, covered in blue paint, slaving over a painting lying on a table. Its headline?

“What NYC has been waiting for”.

He had cut his hair. It was short again. He had grown into himself more than the last time I saw him.

7 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days ago.

He was never coming back.

 

“Brian?” I hear Cynthia over the intercom on my phone.

“Yes?”

“Justin is on the phone”. I am silent.

“Brian?” I hear her say.

“Yea put him through”.

I pick up and clear my throat.

“Hello?”

“Bri? It’s me”.

“Hey”.

“Listen….” And I knew what was coming.

“I’m not gonna be able to make it this weekend”, he continues.

“Mm hmm” I mumble.

“I have meetings lined up all weekend. New galleries and shit”.


“K” is all I can muster to say.

“You’re mad”. He says quietly. I sigh.

“Nope. I expected it.”

“I’m sorry. Can we try to for next month?” he asks.

“Justin, listen. Lets not keep doing this ok? Lets not make promises and trying to make plans when we have to face reality.”

He is silent for a few moments.

“And what’s that?” he asks.

“That you live in New York now. And I still live here. So live your life. Its only time”. My voice is quivering. Stop Kinney. Don’t be such a fucking pussy.

He doesn’t say anything for a long time.

“Ok” is all he says.

“I gotta meeting to go to. I’ll call you tonight”. Another broken promise.

“Yea”, he says sadly.

“No regrets Justin”. I say quietly.

“Brian, take care of yourself ok?” he asks.

“You too kiddo”. I hang up and pick up the NY Art magazine with the newest protégé on the cover.

I throw it into my garbage can and get up from my desk and head to my meeting.

He was never coming back.

 

 

It was that night I decided it was time.

I went there every weekend, spent hours walking the empty rooms, drinking and smoking, filling the air with something other than emptiness and loneliness.

I sat on the floor in front of the fireplace looking at the art magazines rolling that platinum ring over my finger. I wore it everyday since he had been gone.

He never took his.

It was time.

 

“Are you sure about this?” Jennifer asks as she paced my loft.

“Yea. I am”.

“He could still come back. You don’t know..” I cut her off.

“I do. I know. Just let me sign and get this over with”.

He hands the papers to me and without hesitation I sign away our hope. Our future. Our memories. Our love. I had to let it all go. I had to move on. This was the only way.

I hand the papers back to her.

“I’ll call you if we have any prospects”.

“Yea” I don’t look at her.

“Brian, I’m so sorry”. She touches my shoulder. I still don’t look at her. I just take one more swig of my JD and look down at the counter.

She leaves without another word.

It was time.

That night I decided to sell Britin.

 

 

It was raining. Just like the day I first took him there. The day he told me he would marry me. The day we made love on the floor in front of the fire. The day I thought was going to be the first day of the rest of my life.

I stood in the middle of the empty oversized room in front of the fireplace. I had lit it one last time and stood there which seemed like for hours, thinking, listening to the crackling of the burning wood. It burned away all that was there. The hope, the time apart, the passion, the things that could have been. It burned it all away with every flame.


I was so proud of Justin. He would never know how proud I was. He deserved all the recognition. All the fame, power and admiration he was getting. It was time he got it from someone else other than me. I hope someday he will realize how fucking special he is. How fucking special he was to me. I took off the platinum band and held it between my fingers. I wanted it to burn along with the house. Let the metal melt down and become part of the house with the fireplace. I clutched it in my fist so hard I could tell it was cutting a hole in my palm.


“GOD DAMMIT!!!!!!!” I scream at the top of my lungs, it echoing through the empty mansion.

I hear the front door open and footsteps step into the foyer. It must be Jennifer. I had told her I would be finishing up some last minute things and she had said she might have an interested client in the house. Had she just heard me scream?
”Christ” I mutter to myself. I un-clutch my hand and look at the ring one last time.

“Good bye Justin” I say out loud.

 

“It’s not goodbye. Its only time”.

Am I hallucinating? I turn slowly around, and there standing in the doorway, messenger bag slung over his shoulder, dressed in the latest NYC fashion, new haircut and all, was Justin.

I can’t speak. I can’t move. He is so beautiful. I just want to stare at him, just in case I wake up.


“Are you going to say anything,” He asks.

No. I can’t find any words. I have feelings of happiness, concern, disbelief and fear surging through me.

I feel tears in my eyes and I look up to the ceiling to keep them from falling down my face. I clear my throat.

“I thought you had meetings all weekend?” I ask. The ring is still clutched in my hand.

“My mom called me and told me you were selling the house”…..he trails off.

“And?”

“And…it made me so angry. I threw the canvas I was working on across the room”. He looks down and drops his messenger bag.

I just stare at him. I didn’t know what he wanted me to say to him.


“I felt like you were getting rid of us along with the house”. He still isn’t looking at me.

“Justin, you haven’t been hom..here since you moved to New York. You always have an excuse. I waited over a year. I have to sell this place so I can move on. So you can live your life in New York and I can live mine here, and not waist time on memories and things that MAYBE will be. But deep down we know aren’t going to happen.”

He looks up at me, tears in his eyes. “You wanna know why I haven’t been back?”

I don’t answer.


“Well do you!!!!??” he screams at me.

I shrug.

“Because I knew if I came back here and saw you I would never go back. I would never step one foot back in New York again.” He is crying now and I feel the tears return to my own eyes. He continues.

“I have missed you everyday, every hour, every fucking second since I have been there”.

“Yea” is all I can say to him.

“And what about you?” he yells.

“What about me Justin?”

“You have been there once in 13 months.”


“14” I say. He stares at me for a moment and then continues to yell.

“Fine, 14.” He says rolling his eyes.

“Well” I clear my throat, “Maybe that’s because it was too hard to be there and not be able to take you back home. But this isn’t your home anymore I guess”.

“This will always be my home Brian. Our home. How could you? How could you just give up on us that easily?” he looks up at me with question. Tears are streaming down his face.


“Because Justin. We decided to call off the wedding and have you move away so you could do what you wanted. What was gonna make you happy! Would having a long distance relationship and having to keep doing this for years and years really make you happy? Could you promise me there would never be anyone else? That you could go 2 months, 6 months, a YEAR without fucking anyone else? I sure as hell cant!” I am screaming and clutching the ring and I am now sure my hand is bleeding.

He looks at me disappointed.

“Of course you couldn’t. You think you have changed, but you haven’t. And that’s ok. I didn’t want you to. I never did”. He looks disgusted with me.

“God know who you’ve been with since”…

I cut him off.

“Not one person. Not ONE fucking person. Not one fuck, blow job, hand job. NOTHING.” I scream. He looks at be with his mouth agape.


“What?” he asks.

“No one. No one but you” I say almost whispering. I look at him.

“And you Justin? What kind of art directors and artists have YOU FUCKED since you’ve been there?” I am so jealous and part of me doesn’t want to know the answer, but the other part HAS to know.

He looks at me with sadness in his eyes.

“None.” He finally says. “I haven’t been in anyone’s bed and no one has been in mine”.

Our eyes meet and my heart skips 3 beats. He walks ever so slowly over to me and it feels like an eternity before he reaches me. He reaches for my hand but I keep it closed. He pries my fingers open and the ring falls to the floor.


He looks down at it, picks it up and holds it in his hand. He twirls it in between his fingers. He touches my hand with his other and see’s the bloody marks on my palm. He brings my hand to his lips and caresses it with his kisses. I close my eyes. It had been so long since I had felt that. ‘

“Brian, please don’t sell this place,” he begs.

I nuzzle my nose in his hair. God. he still smells the same.

“I cant live here unless you’re here with me,” I tell him.

“You wont have to”.


I pull back and look into his eyes.

“What?”

“The meetings I was supposed to have this weekend? Its for my own gallery”. He looks deep into my eyes. My heart sinks.

“In Pittsburgh” he finishes.

I look away into the distance and feel my stomach flip. He pulls my face back to look at him.

“I’m coming home Brian.”

“I want you to do all you have ever wanted to do”. I tell him.

“I will be. I will be painting, and selling my art and working. And I will also be doing exactly what I want to be doing when I come home to you every night.” He puts his hand on the back of my neck.


“I’m so sorry if I hurt you” he continues. “I didn’t mean to. I guess it was just wishful thinking to think you’d just wait until I could do this. I’m so sorry it took so long.”

“I was waiting. I think even if you never came back and I never saw you again, in a way I’d always be waiting for you”. I know I am about to cry.

He reaches for my hand and holds it out. He puts the band back on my finger and closes my fist.

“Where’s mine?” he asks smiling.

“I have it”. I say.

He pulls me into a hug so forceful I feel the earth move. He is clutching at me, clawing at my back. I am holding the back of his head so he is pushed into my shoulder. Tears are falling out of my eyes.


“Marry me” I hear him mumble into my shoulder.

I pull him away from me.

“I mean, if the offer still stands.” He looks at me his own tears wetting his pale face.

I reach into the pocket of my jeans and pull out the smaller of the two platinum bands. I hold it in the palm of my hand to show him. I look into his eyes.

He just smiles and takes it from me. He slides it down his ring finger. He sighs.

“I love you.” I tell him.

“I know,” he whispers. “I love you too”.

I put my mouth to his and kiss him ever so gently. His lips taste the same. Our tongues meet and I feel his body go limp in my arms.

1 yr, 2 months, 1 week and 4 days. That’s how long it took him to come home.

And it was worth every minute.

 

 

“God you’re sweating Brian. Calm down” Michael says fixing my tie.

“Jesus I am so fucking nervous”. I am out of breath.

“I don’t see why. You were gonna do this before” he brushes lint or whatever he thinks he see’s on my suit and steps away from the mirror so I can see myself.


“Yea but its different this time. It’s actually happening”. I stare at myself. Not too bad for an old man. I hear the door to the room open and I turn around to find Lindsey making her way into the room, Gus attached to her hand.

“Daddy are you ready?” My son asks.

“I sure am Sonny boy. Are you? You know what to do?”

“Yep. Mommy helped me.” I pick him up and kiss his cheek. I take the velvet box out of my suit pocket and hand it to my son and look at Lindsey.

“I’m really glad you’re here,” I say to her.


She just smiles. “Me too Bri. Me too”.

I put Gus down, turn around and take one more look in the mirror. This is it.

I see Michael come up behind me and wrap his arms around me. He has sadness in his eyes. I look at our reflection in the full-length mirror. Best friends through hell and back.

“You’re not losing me,” I say to him.

“I know,” he mumbles into my arm.

“You will always be my best friend. No matter where I go, or who I am with, I will always love you.” I turn around and put my arms around his shoulders.

“Promise” he asks giving me that beautiful toothy grin he is infamous for.

“Yes” I lean in and kiss his lips.

“Always have, always will”.

I hug him for a good few minutes. I want Michael to know he will always be as important to me as Justin is.

Michael finally pulls back and looks up into my eyes.

“C’mon Bri. Lets get you hitched”. I smile and follow him out the door.

 

I am standing in the front of the Banquet room surrounding by at least 200 people. I couldn’t believe how many people were there. To my left was Michael; looking wonderful in the Gucci suit I had bought for him for this occasion. In the front row sat Debbie, Carl, Lindsey, Daphne, Emmett, Theodore, Ben, Hunter, and one empty seat next to Debbie with a single white rose on it for Vic. My request of course. I hear the music start to play and my eyes focus on the door at the end of the long aisle. I see Jennifer emerge first, dressed in a cream tailored suit and looking gorgeous. I suck in my breath. I know what is next. Then I see him. Dressed in an Armani suit that matches mine, with a red rose pinned to him, he stands next to his mother. His smile is so big it lights up the whole room.


Everyone stands and I hear crying start to begin, of course Emmett starting it, and ooohs and ahhhs and gasps. I feel Michael touch my back but I can’t take my eyes off of Justin. They walk slowly up the aisle and I see Jennifer is already crying. I swallow to keep myself from losing it so soon into the day. Our eyes meet and his smile just widens and I see tears well in his eyes.

Jesus Justin, I think to myself. Don’t do this to me. They finally reach the front where I am standing and Justin hugs his Mother. She turns to me and kisses my cheek gently.

Justin reaches me and takes my hand automatically. I close my eyes and enjoy the warmth. We stand in front of the ordained minister and breathe out slowly. I smirk because I realize our breathing is in unison.


“Love knows no gender. No color or race. No religion” the minister begins. “Love springs from the most beautiful parts of our souls and only gets stronger with time. Today we are joining Brian and Justin in this love.”

I squeeze Justin’s hand and he returns the sentiment.

“I believe Brian and Justin have written their own vows?” the minister asks.

We nod and turn toward each other. I look at Justin and he sighs and begins to speak.


“Brian, I struggled with what I wanted to say to you today. How I wanted to tell you how much you have meant to me over the years. How you have helped me grow, and helped me achieve every dream I have ever had for myself. How you have supported me emotionally and financially. How I never knew that love could be like this. They say that time holds no candle when love is involved. I couldn’t agree more. All we ever had was time and as every minute passed until this moment, only brought us closer together and made our love stronger. You have been my best friend, my lover, my partner, my rock, my survival, and my strength. I promise to love you, support you and be there for you how ever and whenever you need me”. I hear Lindsey say to Gus “Ok now honey” and Gus walks up and hands Justin the velvet box.


“Here Jussy” he says holding the box up high.

Justin smiles down at him and takes the box from his little hands. He opens it and takes out the bigger of the two rings. He pushes it down my finger and looks deep into my eyes.

“From this day forward, I am eternally yours”.  Tears stream down his face and it takes all I have not to bring him in my arms.

I clear my throat and take his hand, never leaving his gaze.


“Justin, I knew the night I met you, you were going to become something great. You had so much imagination, so much determination. I also knew you would always be in my life that night to. I remember you saying to Michael in the car when he told you he would take you home that you were going with me. You always knew what you wanted and went for it. And with that drive and passion I knew there was no way I would be getting rid of you. It’s no secret I am not the greatest with my emotions. I always avoided commitment and anything that resembled love because I never thought I deserved it. I never let another heart touch mine” I glance at Deb and she smiles at me.

“But somehow yours has found its way to mine” I feel the tears and I let them flow. “You are the thing that keeps me going. Your drive and determination to survive anything has made me that way. I always felt I needed to save you. To take care of you, rescue you. But until now I realize I never had to do those things. You would always be ok. But without me realizing you were saving me.” He looks down and cries. I continue.


“You are the sunshine in my life. My everything. I promise to love you, support you, take care of you and be there for you no matter what happens.” I take the box out of his hand and take his ring out. I hand the box to Michael who I see now is crying. I smile at him.

I turn back to Justin and slide the ring on his tiny finger.

“From this day forward, I am eternally yours”.

I am crying so hard now, my voice was quivering during the last line.

“By the power invested in me by the city of Pittsburgh, I now pronounce you committed to each other in love”. The minister finishes and the loudest applause I have ever heard thunders through the banquet hall.

Justin smiles and it’s brighter than any sunrise I had ever seen. I take him in my arms and kiss him deeply. His hands are running through my hair and I know now this is what life is all about. Money means nothing. Only him. He is the only thing that matters the most.

 

 

The reception was wonderful. Emmett did such a good job. It was perfect down to every last detail. Classical music played while everyone laughed, talked and drank. I stood off the side and watched Justin mingle through the crowd. Every once in a while he would glance around, looking for me. When his eyes finally met mine he just smiled. I tipped my champagne glass to him and smiled.

It was time. I walked over the man in charge of the music and whispered in his ear.

I walked to the middle of the floor and cleared my throat.


“Can I have everyone’s attention?” I ask loudly.

The talking and mumbles finally stop and everyone’s eyes are focused on me. I see Justin make his way through the crowd and stand in front.

“Since this is a wedding, at least in OUR eyes, I think it would be traditional for Justin and I to have our first dance together as Husband and well husband. So I’d like to ask Justin to come out here with me” he smiles and shakes his head as he walks toward me.


“What on earth are you doing?” he asks as he falls into my arms.

“Shhh” is all I say to him.

I look at the DJ and he nods.

As soon as the music starts, Justin’s eyes get wide. I can see Daphne in the crowd and she puts her hands to her mouth and her eyes fill with tears. I look down at Justin and start to sway with him.

 

You can dance
Every dance with the guy
Who gives you the eye
Let him hold you tight
You can smile
Every smile for the man who held your hand
'Neath the pale moonlight
But don't forget who's taking you home

And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin', save the last dance for me

 

“Are you really making me dance to you on our wedding day to this corny old song?”

“I’d like to think of it as ridiculously romantic” I say to him and kiss him gently.

I hold him so tight, just like that night 5 years ago. The first time I had ever felt so close to someone. The first time I had ever let anyone else into my heart.

 

Oh, I know (oh, I know)
That the music's fine
Like sparkling wine
Go and have your fun
Laugh and sing
But while we're apart
Don't give your heart to anyone
But don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin', save the last dance for me

 

His head is buried into my shoulder and all I can do is move him along to the sound of the music.

“I love you Justin,” I say in his ear.

He looks up at me and kisses me gently. “And I love you”.

 

Baby, don't you know
I love you so
can’t you feel it when we touch
I will never, never let you go
I love you oh, so much

 

Everyone else filters onto the floor to dance. Ted and Emmett looking ever so cute dancing like idiots. Carl and Debbie dancing close together. Ben and Michael holding each other tightly. Daphne being nice and dancing with Hunter. And Lindsey holding Gus up swaying him to the music. I take a deep breath and look around. I have all I need right here with me. All of a sudden I feel a little body attached to my leg and look down and see Gus hugging me. I leaned down and pick him up with one swift lift. He giggles and I hug him to be closely. Justin reaches in and hugs him as well and I put my arm around him to keep him close to me. This is it. My new family. I feel Michael’s hand on my shoulder and I turn to see the gang had followed him. We all put our arms around each other and bounce to the music until it ends. I look at all the people around me that have been with me through so much. High school, College, births, proms, bashings, elections, cancer. And I can feel all the love in the room. I lock eyes with Debbie and she reaches in and slaps my face gently.

“It’s about time Brian” he says smiling. I nod.

 

'Cause don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arm's your gonna be
So, darlin', save the last dance for me

 

We were all family I realized. This was the only real family I had ever known. And as we stood there arms locked in one another I knew we would always survive.

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